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Missouri Football Fails Miserably At SEC'ing, Exposes In-Game Weakness

Hey, we get it, Missouri: You've spent the majority of your existence in the Big 12's barren North Division, where bleak nine-month winters and the unchecked growth of the counterculture known as "basketbal" blinded your football players to the sight of attractive, somewhat scantily clad women oogling them. But you're ESS-EEE-SEE now, boys, which means that if you've got to stop practice to shoo away two coeds showing a little skin, you're about to be the first program in conference history to lose 10 straight games at Ole Miss:

Judging by the picture, those two ladies seem a little overly tanned and ab-rippled to be running stadium stairs anywhere in the midwest. Did they crossfit their way from Tallahassee? That's always a possibility.

We'd like to tell you that opposing coaches in your new conference hold high the vestiges of Southern gentility, and would never say... "trick out" any of their prettier undergraduates for the purposes of distracting an opposing team, but that would imply that the rage virus known as SEC fandom doesn't automatically prompt a dedicated SEC coed to amp up the cleavage in name of bowl eligibility.

Seriously, Missouri. It doesn't even snow - ever - in like, 80 percent of your new home. You might encounter a few leathery bottle blondes jiggling about, so forewarned is fair warned.